What should be my question?

Few years ago, we got the news of Puri Sahib's tour in Bangalore. As an act of encouragement to the youth, we were offered a session where Puri Ji would answer any questions young children would like to ask. I could notice how excited friends were, who wanted to ask so many things from an experienced elder who was like a mentor to each one of us. 
I too wanted to use this opportunity to learn from this soul be it through a Q & A session. However there was a problem.

The problem was I didn't know what to ask - despite spending time in thinking, I could not get hold of any question that would be 'just' appropriate to ask Puri Ji. Most of the questions made no sense, some questions I wasn't sure if were appropriate for the gathering - I was just "question-less". 

I could not decide what would be better in this situation? To ask some question for the sake of asking or let go this wonderful opportunity. In this state of indecisiveness, I rang up a saint for consultation. I explained the situation to her and then asked "What should be my question?".

In her usual composed state she started, " Sunil Ji, You know now instead of thinking what to ask anyone else, I have started to wonder on what could be asked of me. I don't know how to answer if asked that Love was taught to you, why didn't you follow it? You were reminded that forgiveness is important, why did you ignore it? I get worried on what would I reply...."

Our phone conversation continued for another few minutes before call was disconnected.

She didn't suggest a question, neither did she discourage me from asking one but gave me another frame for looking at the same situation. Needless to add that I dropped the idea of asking any question.

I wonder if some day some one would ask me the same question, "What should be my question?"....but definitely this is how I would like to answer.

Expectations of all sorts!

Those teenage years of school & college, I still remember how disappointing it used to get whenever someone would fall short of my expectations. It is wrong to say that I no longer have any expectations but perhaps outlook towards expectations has also changed with years. I don't remember what was the incident, and who else was involved, but I remember something profound that had helped me to overcome the disappointment. 

A passage perhaps in some book talked of an incident from life of Jesus. It said that once 10 blind people walked to Jesus and prayed for their eye sight. Jesus took mercy on them, and gave them vision. All of them rejoiced on receiving the eye sight. All of them started dancing, and comfortably started to move toward their destinations. Few minutes passed, and one of those 10 people returned back to Jesus and said "Thank you".

The author of the passage, then left a question to readers " If only 1 out of 10 came to thank Jesus, then what makes you think you are any different? "

The question left me thinking - and finally helped me to be okay with the incident. There were many similar incidents after that where the same question became an answer. 

It took a few more years to understand that nothing great I have offered to anyone around me that I should expect much in return.

It took a few more years to understand that at times people do fall short of expectations, perhaps that's how God teaches us that no one else is perfect. 

There seems to be one more side of these expectations - Expectations from Self. Perhaps one more understanding.

Not only with others, even with self, I see how disappointing it gets when others expect from you and you fall short of meeting those expectations. But as time passes by, you understand that even you are not perfect.

Another profound message that Morrie left with the world in this context goes as below:

"It's not just other people we need to forgive, Mitch," he finally
whispered. We also need to forgive
ourselves."

Ourselves?

"Yes. For all the things we didn't do. All the things we should have
done. You can't get stuck on the regrets of what should have happened.
That doesn't help you when you get to where I am.

"I always wished I had done more with my work; I wished I had written
more books. I used to beat myself up over it. Now I see that never did
any good. Make peace. You need to make peace with yourself and
everyone around you."

You need to make peace with yourself... you need to make peace with yourself!!!

SHADES PART 1

Last Sunday we were traveling back to the town when I recalled of this particular incident. Since this incident and the one on Sunday were alike, therefore I feel like calling them as PART 1 & PART 2.

SHADES PART 1 - Some 5-6 years ago I was posted in Bangalore. I and a colleague used to sit on the top floor of the building where our desk faced a window which in turn faced the Sun. The window had no curtains, no blinds; sun’s glare would directly fall on our eyes. Working on Mainframes systems; we found it difficult to read the characters on the monitor. We were so uncomfortable with the working conditions that we had raised multiple requests with the Facilities. May be it was the traffic Facilities had, that they couldn’t respond to our requests. The requests were pending for weeks with them.
One Wednesday afternoon it clicked to me that I could visit stationary and get a wall Calendar which could be used temporarily to cover the window glass. This would give some relief at least. I made it a point to collect calendar same day after the lunch. But somehow I forgot. As soon as I reached desk, I remembered that I had forgotten to go to stationary. I would do it tomorrow with that remark I left it for the next day. Height of my laziness!
Next day, same thing happened.
On Friday afternoon, fortunately I remembered the task. I took one calendar, cello tape, and scissors from the stationary. Patting my own back, I reached the desk. After all now I will be relieved of the burning sun! I noticed my neighbor wasn’t at her desk, thought of quickly finishing the task so that it would less inconvenience to her. I opened the calendar but another thought disturbed me, “Waah Sunil babu  brought calendar just for your own self. Won’t she be feeling the same? You should have brought another calendar for her.” Somehow I tried to convince myself that I would bring her another calendar next time I go to the ground floor where stationary was. But my conscience didn’t allow me to put the calendar in front of my desk. So to be at ease, I pasted the calendar in front of her desk.
And for self I thought I would do it next time when I go downstairs. She came back after lunch, surprised to see the shade on her desk! She asked me how come this calendar was there. I mentioned to her that I thought of this as a temporary solution. She thanked me for being considerate. I acknowledged her thanks with smile but inside thinking why on earth did God gave this thought of exchanging desks for this calendar? I was happy that she was in shade but unhappy for self. I was so lazy that I didn’t want to go back to the stationary again. Height of my laziness!
Aaah...at that point! I now think it was so stupid of me to question God at that point. I asked God that we hear that God acknowledges even a smallest of act, be it in a corner. Let me see how you acknowledge my act of kindness to this lady. It wasn’t that this question was disturbing me but as if I wanted to play with God. I asked Him show me how you would acknowledge this!
In moments, I got back to my routine. I totally forgot about the calendar, window, neighbor etc. Now focus was on the work, although in between I kept looking at my watch to leave on time from the office. I noticed that weather had become pleasant. Clouds covered the sun; therefore it became easier for me to work. I finished work earlier and went back to home. Enjoyed the weekend as I would.
On Monday when I came back I was astonished to see that there was no calendar on neighbor’s desk. More astonished to see that the windows now had blinds. Oh my God is this how you acknowledge that small act! I wondered how come those pending requests with Facilities were now acknowledged out of the blue moon…I had just questioned God on Friday and on Monday I saw the answer! Oh my God…I was so thrilled to see how God had acknowledged my stupid question. But why did you not acknowledge on Friday itself? (My stupidity continued). Less than a second…I realized God had already acknowledged my request on Friday but I had missed to realize it on the same day. The weather which was so sunny for all past days had changed all of a sudden on Friday afternoon. There were no rains that day but I recalled that not even for a second did clouds again uncovered the Sun. While I had hoped that calendar would provide shade to my colleague from Sun, but in turn God provided me (and others) with a natural shade.
I apologetically thanked God for this wonderful realization! It could have been just some sequence of events for others, but for me it was a direct communication that I was having with the creator. I was sorry for what I had asked, but thankful that He proved Himself to be correct. He would even involve nature, if need be to answer his servants call. The only pre-requisite is that the servant should be willing to listen!
Had He not acknowledged that day in the way He did, His status would not have reduced. Neither would He have failed in any test….but by doing so, He has given me an example to share of His Kindness which knows no boundaries.

What's on your mind?

"What's on your mind?"...I have always been tempted to reply to this question which one would normally see on almost all social sites these days, sites such as Facebook, Twitter etc. It does give you a feeling as if some one is keenly waiting for you to log on, and ask you whats going on in your life! And you would see people replying also...their revelations, their anger on some event, their love for loved ones, major events in their lives, their visits to places etc etc. Facebook is full of such 'personal' information.

Facebook..another blog on Facebook! There isn't any like or dislike for this site, its just that Facebook played an important role for the learning that I am trying to post. 

While I was cautious not to share much of personal stuff on Facebook, I couldn't resist the temptation to answer this very question "What's on your mind?". I felt as if I would be impolite to the Facebook designers if I don't answer this very question each time I login into Facebook. So I would reply...always with a quote.

It so happened that one day I was falling short of quotes that I could share. Lakshmi was sitting next to me, I casually asked her to tell me a quote which I could share on Facebook profile. It must have been stupid of me to ask that from her...but I did ask. Quite surprisingly she answered, "Sunil Ji, roz quote badalne se kya hoga...baat to tab banegi agar ham ek hi quote ko poori zindagi nibha lein". Thereby she cautioned me not to fall in trap of sharing more and more because mere sharing will not bring any changes in us. For bringing change in us, we'd have to follow those. Even if we stick to one quote, and follow it religiously...it would do miracles in our lives. A single quote that is followed can do what all the quotes which are just shared collectively also cannot do.  

Very profound thoughts Mrs Sethi has - I must admit. 

Since that day, I have tried to consciously remind myself not to fall in the same trap again. Now whenever I login into Facebook, and see that question again...I smile and answer "Same as it was on the last time!!".  

 And to go bit deeper on the learning, this is much of the problem that we see around...we often rush to speak, but rarely pause to listen. That reminds me of this riddle....'The moment you name it, it is gone...what is it?' "Silence".  

Wish we could pause, and ponder...ponder deeper to realize that even single thought is sufficient to bring a change in our lives.

Birthdays..Facebook..Time..

Not so often would you come across such a question on your birthday 'Is there any particular wish or statement by someone which has resonated in your mind since morning?'

Made me think.

One from last year perhaps. A statement from Nidhi Ji. 

(Nidhi Ji - If you read this someday, Please believe I can 'imagine' the proud smile on your face.)

While wishing me last year she made sure that she adds a special touch to it - '....Bhaiya I wish on your birthday because I remembered it not because I saw it on Facebook.' She has not been a fan of Facebook - this I have known but had never thought about how we often tend to connect to our friends only on their special days that too because we see a reminder. However, I personally don't fully disapprove of the Facebook reminders, perhaps on one day people make someone feel special - even if it is for one day and that too because of reminders. Though it would have been better if we remembered people and their days without any external help.

Yesterday was filled with connections - wishes from family and friends, even from the Facebook world. Not much different I would say - same as it must be for everyone. I was at work yesterday therefore was not able to spend quality time with the wishers. A learning that I would like to take forward from yesterday is to take off from work on birthdays - there's a world that would connect to you on this day and you must receive it 'fully'. At so many points during the day, I felt I wasn't doing justice to the friends who took out time from their schedules to connect with me. Anyhow, there is something to learn and take forward - that's more important.

For many years I have thought how nice it would be to have everyday as a birthday - one receives so much love and warmth from friends which on normal days one doesn't hear. I don't think that warmth, love is absent on other days and suddenly rises on your birthday but think everyone is busy on their chores, and seldom they pause to express it. Birthdays are just such opportunities when people come to express via their wishes. However yesterday I was thinking the opposite - how about birthdays being days with not super jet speed? At least you don't feel guilty of not being able to give time to people as you would do normally. Its strange - normally people don't get time to pause and on this day you don't get time to reciprocate. Anyhow, not so serious topic to think about :)

Crux is to be thankful - even if people wish because of Facebook, take out time to receive gracefully, and when it comes for you to wish - try that you make people are a part of your life so that you don't have to depend on external reminders. And most importantly - treat everyone, everyday as it is their birthday :)

Zubaan ka Ras

I remember there was a book which I read in childhood, it contained small small stories with different moral. One of the stories was, Zubaan ka Ras...where a person who is passing by a new town feels hungry and he knocks a door, door is opened by an old lady. Man asks for food from the lady, and lady starts preparing food for this stranger..while she is preparing batter for the roties, this man starts asking questions, one being " Lady your door is so narrow, if your cow dies, how will you take the cow out of your door?" quite angry with this question lady throws the batter at man's face. Some passer by sees the liquid dripping on man's face, and asks anqiously "what is this?", to which this man says "zubaan ka ras". Moral that was told in the story was that be wise in your speech.
Although this story was heard in childhood years, but I think this is ageless learning as here lies the start of self improvement. If man takes a pause and starts analysing what he is speaking, or asking, he will be astonished to see how comforting or breaking his words are. Path to self improvement is definately long, but one who has conquered his words, he has made a start. Speech is not the final criterian to prove one's level of wisdom but definately is a milestone. If its said, that one who doesnt think wrong will not say wrong...it also seems true that one who wants to think right, should start saying right.