For the living ones

(Jan 2014)

We all had gathered to pay our tributes to the departed soul in form of a congregation. There were few speakers who talked about the life of the departed and inspired those present there to a virtuous living. Near the end of ceremony, there was a concluding discourse given by one saint. Among other things that he shared, he brought our attention to the fact that none of the speakers before him had prayed that the departed rests in peace. All speakers had talked about departed’s life, virtues and heavenly abode but not one had mentioned about departed’s resting in peace.

The saint explained further in his discourse that the reason why no one prayed for resting in peace today after the death is because the departed was already resting in peace while he was in the body. No one doubted that departed needed any prayers to come to rest. Often we hear this prayer for the deceased - ‘May his soul rest in peace’ – although there is nothing bad in praying this way but the messages given by saints and sages are to inspire us to ensure this “resting” state while we are in body.

As soon as I heard these words, I started to reflect on the life of the departed and found it so true that each interaction I have had or heard from others for him – all signalled that he was already established in peace. It is true that I didn’t have a worldly visibility of what happened to him after he left the body but chances of him continuing to rest in peace were far more than his state being changed all of a sudden. The reverse also has to be true (although there could be exceptions); if I haven’t lived in peace it would be a real high expectation to assume that I would rest in peace after death.

In that light of understanding, I have now started to relate this statement ‘Rest in peace’ more for the living ones than the departed ones. More like the message, ‘Raam naam satya hai’, i.e. God is the only Truth. This message heard on funerals is a reminder for the living ones; ones who still have time, the opportunity to alter their lifestyles to live in the awareness that God is the eternal Truth. The one departed has already come face to face with the eternal Truth, therefore requires no further reminders.

Day to day, we meet so many people, from so many different faith groups, so many different ideologies and at times we have different opinions over the same statement but the real experience of peace cannot be different to any of us. We may have different colours of utensils, different languages to speak, different foods to fill our stomach but what it is to be on “filled” stomach - our experience cannot be different. It is this ‘same’ state of peace that we need to strive for. And one who is there – is already resting in peace!

Expectations of all sorts!

Those teenage years of school & college, I still remember how disappointing it used to get whenever someone would fall short of my expectations. It is wrong to say that I no longer have any expectations but perhaps outlook towards expectations has also changed with years. I don't remember what was the incident, and who else was involved, but I remember something profound that had helped me to overcome the disappointment. 

A passage perhaps in some book talked of an incident from life of Jesus. It said that once 10 blind people walked to Jesus and prayed for their eye sight. Jesus took mercy on them, and gave them vision. All of them rejoiced on receiving the eye sight. All of them started dancing, and comfortably started to move toward their destinations. Few minutes passed, and one of those 10 people returned back to Jesus and said "Thank you".

The author of the passage, then left a question to readers " If only 1 out of 10 came to thank Jesus, then what makes you think you are any different? "

The question left me thinking - and finally helped me to be okay with the incident. There were many similar incidents after that where the same question became an answer. 

It took a few more years to understand that nothing great I have offered to anyone around me that I should expect much in return.

It took a few more years to understand that at times people do fall short of expectations, perhaps that's how God teaches us that no one else is perfect. 

There seems to be one more side of these expectations - Expectations from Self. Perhaps one more understanding.

Not only with others, even with self, I see how disappointing it gets when others expect from you and you fall short of meeting those expectations. But as time passes by, you understand that even you are not perfect.

Another profound message that Morrie left with the world in this context goes as below:

"It's not just other people we need to forgive, Mitch," he finally
whispered. We also need to forgive
ourselves."

Ourselves?

"Yes. For all the things we didn't do. All the things we should have
done. You can't get stuck on the regrets of what should have happened.
That doesn't help you when you get to where I am.

"I always wished I had done more with my work; I wished I had written
more books. I used to beat myself up over it. Now I see that never did
any good. Make peace. You need to make peace with yourself and
everyone around you."

You need to make peace with yourself... you need to make peace with yourself!!!