3 ON 10 - ART OF BALANCING SPEECH

As drafted on 08/10/10...

Moments ago, I was thinking how wonderful it is to be silent in relationships. To hear and not to react, just be a listener...quite opposite to what I learnt few years ago..

At that time for some reasons, I had opted 'just listen'. Quite new to such relationship and a new person on my side; it wasn't something that I was used to.
Around 2 or more than 2 years ago, we had just got committed. I wasn't used to to this relationship structure (lol !)...I think even till date I know nothing...anyways, I was quite new to this side of the world. I believe it happens during initial period of relationships, that you get to impress one another by being something you aren't but slowly and slowly you have to come back to being yourself and then it is accepted in mixed sense at times. I believe I was going through same period, so I had thought that in order to keep peace, I would try keeping quiet; its just another 50-60 years, somehow I will manage by silence. So I started just to play a part of listener in the conversations. One day, one more day, one more and so on it went for couple of days...slowly and slowly, I started getting frustrated by playing a listener.

I think it was divine intervention when I was called for this client orientation session. The session was kept by my company for motivating employees to speak when they are in meetings with clients. I could not understand much out of the session, as was more bothered by internal combat of some sort. But somewhere came the divine spark, when the presenter talked of benefits of speaking up. I do not know why and how, when I returned back I took it as a point to discuss with her the concerns I had in mind. Quite amazingly, those were so easily handled and I wondered what magic these two words had in the relation - "Speak Up". Ever since, anyone who has asked for a friendly advice in matters pertaining to relationships, this is what I have suggested "Speak Up". Speak Up because other end may not have a clue of what you are trying to say or ask...so Speak Up!! Quite surprisingly, this Mantra has worked...

Now coming to the thoughts I was having moments ago, being a married man I am ought to think that way :), I think the learning was half when I learnt "Speak Up", the second part is "To understand when not to Speak Up" . Wise is one who knows where to put a pause, often I realize that whatever I spoke was in no way a value add or a remark which was required.

There's still so much to learn, especially what was taught to me on the wedding day!! Hopefully this is something I would learn some day!

Another thing on the To-Do list - Art of balancing speech.

Zubaan ka Ras

I remember there was a book which I read in childhood, it contained small small stories with different moral. One of the stories was, Zubaan ka Ras...where a person who is passing by a new town feels hungry and he knocks a door, door is opened by an old lady. Man asks for food from the lady, and lady starts preparing food for this stranger..while she is preparing batter for the roties, this man starts asking questions, one being " Lady your door is so narrow, if your cow dies, how will you take the cow out of your door?" quite angry with this question lady throws the batter at man's face. Some passer by sees the liquid dripping on man's face, and asks anqiously "what is this?", to which this man says "zubaan ka ras". Moral that was told in the story was that be wise in your speech.
Although this story was heard in childhood years, but I think this is ageless learning as here lies the start of self improvement. If man takes a pause and starts analysing what he is speaking, or asking, he will be astonished to see how comforting or breaking his words are. Path to self improvement is definately long, but one who has conquered his words, he has made a start. Speech is not the final criterian to prove one's level of wisdom but definately is a milestone. If its said, that one who doesnt think wrong will not say wrong...it also seems true that one who wants to think right, should start saying right.