Learnings continue...

I browsed through different channels as it was break time on the show I was watching. Surprisingly all channels I skimmed through were showing ads so I was left with no choice but to watch ad of my choice. I stopped on one channel and kind of paid no ear to what was coming but one line on this ad caught my attention. 

This ad was for some hair fall prevention cream. The ad was nearly finished so don’t remember all particulars but the final statement by the model. The model must be in his mid-forties, not really bald but with less hair on his head. His statement was – do not repeat my mistake, take caution when you notice first hair fall and apply so & so cream. The ad somehow appeared different from all other ads I have normally seen. Generally they would compare situation before and after. A model with shiny hair and covered scalp would also have made sense in hair product ad but here I was seeing this model saying don’t repeat my mistake. My first thought was – great, you don’t need to have shiny, silky hair to be a model for hair product. However second thought took me more deep into analyzing and recollecting a similar example I had heard in Satsang.

The speaker was giving an example of a drunkard who is completely drunk and shouting ‘don’t drink don’t drink’. Speaker further said our normal reaction would be to question, ‘if drinking is so bad and you are prophesizing for not drinking why don’t you leave it yourself first’. There’s nothing sinful of looking at the scene from this angle but the message to take is, ‘don’t drink’, even if it is coming from mouth of a drunkard.

It is likely that the drunkard has realized his addiction but is now helpless to control or stop his drinking habit. Just because he has not recovered from his mistake doesn’t mean you need to commit the mistake. By giving this example speaker intended to share the message that at times we do overlook the learning at times while being judgmental of whether the speaker has himself followed his words. In such situations, credibility of one who is saying can be pondered upon but not of the message. Message in itself is complete and meaningful. 

Much like this model – who himself has lost hairs but his message is apt – don’t repeat my mistake, take caution when you should.

This reminds me of another email I browsed/shared few days ago with message to speak when you have followed the message to bring real impact, but when I am in listener’s seat I can learn even from people who themselves may not have followed the message. This is how listening becomes enjoyable and productive.

(Oct 2014)

3 ON 10 - ART OF BALANCING SPEECH

As drafted on 08/10/10...

Moments ago, I was thinking how wonderful it is to be silent in relationships. To hear and not to react, just be a listener...quite opposite to what I learnt few years ago..

At that time for some reasons, I had opted 'just listen'. Quite new to such relationship and a new person on my side; it wasn't something that I was used to.
Around 2 or more than 2 years ago, we had just got committed. I wasn't used to to this relationship structure (lol !)...I think even till date I know nothing...anyways, I was quite new to this side of the world. I believe it happens during initial period of relationships, that you get to impress one another by being something you aren't but slowly and slowly you have to come back to being yourself and then it is accepted in mixed sense at times. I believe I was going through same period, so I had thought that in order to keep peace, I would try keeping quiet; its just another 50-60 years, somehow I will manage by silence. So I started just to play a part of listener in the conversations. One day, one more day, one more and so on it went for couple of days...slowly and slowly, I started getting frustrated by playing a listener.

I think it was divine intervention when I was called for this client orientation session. The session was kept by my company for motivating employees to speak when they are in meetings with clients. I could not understand much out of the session, as was more bothered by internal combat of some sort. But somewhere came the divine spark, when the presenter talked of benefits of speaking up. I do not know why and how, when I returned back I took it as a point to discuss with her the concerns I had in mind. Quite amazingly, those were so easily handled and I wondered what magic these two words had in the relation - "Speak Up". Ever since, anyone who has asked for a friendly advice in matters pertaining to relationships, this is what I have suggested "Speak Up". Speak Up because other end may not have a clue of what you are trying to say or ask...so Speak Up!! Quite surprisingly, this Mantra has worked...

Now coming to the thoughts I was having moments ago, being a married man I am ought to think that way :), I think the learning was half when I learnt "Speak Up", the second part is "To understand when not to Speak Up" . Wise is one who knows where to put a pause, often I realize that whatever I spoke was in no way a value add or a remark which was required.

There's still so much to learn, especially what was taught to me on the wedding day!! Hopefully this is something I would learn some day!

Another thing on the To-Do list - Art of balancing speech.