Chewing Camel

I feel more or less like camel which does not chew its food well before swallowing it but later returns it to the mouth in a ball-like glob, and then chews it. Camel does it for the body; perhaps I have done it for the soul. Of many such instances which I swallowed in Bangalore, here starts the chewing –
One fine evening we all youngsters were standing around one saint who had come down from Chennai to Bangalore for some workshop. He was sharing one instance about his duty in Babaji’s presence. It so happened that open namaskar was going on somewhere, and this saint was standing near Babaji collecting namaskar offerings. One other mahapursh came from nowhere, and after some pushes approached Babaji, did namaskar and went out of the arena. Now this sewadar saint felt little sad about the behaviour of the mahapursh but kept quiet. After namaskar got over, he got a chance to express his discomfort about the incident with Babaji. Babaji replied to him – Are you still thinking about him? The mahapursh as soon as he reached out of the arena, he seeked forgiveness and I forgave him there and then. But why are you thinking?
Often it happens with me too when I think about mistakes done by others, leave others by me also. I cannot imagine about the index Babaji use for forgiveness, but I can think of myself. Listening above instance, it surely comes as a learning that when He comes to forgiving, He can break His own index – no one stops Him. Let me keep my prayers for forgiveness and leave things on Him. Doesn’t mean I do something wrong and still be proud of it. But if I feel I did something wrong – Sincerely put apologies with a prayer seeking blessings for future. When does he forgive me I don’t know but have I forgiven others or myself is the question that remains open. From the shop keeper who overcharged me to the taxi wala who didn’t stop taxi on my nod, from the school teacher who scolded me in class I to the colleague who took an appreciation for my work – I have a huge list of people whom I need to forgive. Often I include myself too in the list and that keeps things tough. While I keep seeking forgiveness from the Satguru, also side by side somewhere I keep punishing myself. Satguru might have forgiven but I take time to forgive. Perhaps rightly said by someone, if I have never forgiven someone who did wrong to me, I cannot learn how to forgive myself.
Predicting when He forgives is something beyond my reach, but His teaching for me is to learn how to forgive. By the time second part is done, first might have happened automatically. Task on me is to pick up the list and strike every name asap.
PS: Camel when chews might have mixed qualities of grasses. What was the original composition of each quality of grass doesn’t matter as long as the grasses in mouth provide it food to survive.