3 ON 10 - ART OF BALANCING SPEECH

As drafted on 08/10/10...

Moments ago, I was thinking how wonderful it is to be silent in relationships. To hear and not to react, just be a listener...quite opposite to what I learnt few years ago..

At that time for some reasons, I had opted 'just listen'. Quite new to such relationship and a new person on my side; it wasn't something that I was used to.
Around 2 or more than 2 years ago, we had just got committed. I wasn't used to to this relationship structure (lol !)...I think even till date I know nothing...anyways, I was quite new to this side of the world. I believe it happens during initial period of relationships, that you get to impress one another by being something you aren't but slowly and slowly you have to come back to being yourself and then it is accepted in mixed sense at times. I believe I was going through same period, so I had thought that in order to keep peace, I would try keeping quiet; its just another 50-60 years, somehow I will manage by silence. So I started just to play a part of listener in the conversations. One day, one more day, one more and so on it went for couple of days...slowly and slowly, I started getting frustrated by playing a listener.

I think it was divine intervention when I was called for this client orientation session. The session was kept by my company for motivating employees to speak when they are in meetings with clients. I could not understand much out of the session, as was more bothered by internal combat of some sort. But somewhere came the divine spark, when the presenter talked of benefits of speaking up. I do not know why and how, when I returned back I took it as a point to discuss with her the concerns I had in mind. Quite amazingly, those were so easily handled and I wondered what magic these two words had in the relation - "Speak Up". Ever since, anyone who has asked for a friendly advice in matters pertaining to relationships, this is what I have suggested "Speak Up". Speak Up because other end may not have a clue of what you are trying to say or ask...so Speak Up!! Quite surprisingly, this Mantra has worked...

Now coming to the thoughts I was having moments ago, being a married man I am ought to think that way :), I think the learning was half when I learnt "Speak Up", the second part is "To understand when not to Speak Up" . Wise is one who knows where to put a pause, often I realize that whatever I spoke was in no way a value add or a remark which was required.

There's still so much to learn, especially what was taught to me on the wedding day!! Hopefully this is something I would learn some day!

Another thing on the To-Do list - Art of balancing speech.

I have knowledge b.. ...

While having breakfast other day, I switched telly on. Scrolling through channels I stopped at some Indian channel which was airing epic Mahabharata. Recently have enjoyed seeing the conversation between Lord Krishna and Arjun in the Gita Gyan episodes, so didn't mind seeing the episode where all Pandavas, Lord Krishna go and meet Taatshree. Amidst the emotional conversation, Krishna asks Bhisham Pitaamah to share some words of wisdom with the pandavas. Amazingly Bhisham Pitaamah says that if you are here Krishna, who else is worthy to speak? Knowledge comes from you etc etc, this was but obvious statement. However, my thoughts come to a stand still when I recall Krishna's reply

I have Knowledge but you have experience.

I dont remember this dialogue from childhood days of my audience to this same epic. How remarkably Krishna accepts to be all-knower but still gives importance to His elders' experiences. There on I am trying to forgive myself for being intolerant of elders' seemingly un-knowledgable but possibly experienced acts. How many times I have been intolerant when I have seen elders doing something which never fitted my understanding of lawful living, but here was an example of how the role model Himself silently gave message of spiritual living. Perhaps the learning could also be talked in generic sense; why only elders, actually one has to be tolerant and respectful to every individual's experiences.

Having said this, nothing much has been achieved. There's still remaining another part: to experiment this tolerance and add to my own experience:-)